Joined: Jul 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 8 Location: Over the gray Cloud Karma: 0
Old Willow Tree -poem- « Thread Started on Jul 4, 2007, 7:38pm »
(Me: Tis a poem I made for a project at school. Enjoy. Pointers greatly appreciated )
Old Willow Tree
I sit cross-legged under an old, decaying Willow Tree. It is old and rotting, Like the decrepit, Graveyard around me. I am here to meditate, To release all emotions. Moans and groans Reach my ears from that Swaying old decaying Willow Tree. I close my eyes and shiver: As a ghostly fog engulfs me; Pulls me in. A crow shrieks in the distance: Its wings flapping hard against the wind. The tree leaves rustle as if Fighting away the wind. CRACK! A tree limb falls to the ground And it lands with a loud, thud. My eyes close tighter, Not wanting to see, The sights all around me. A putrid smell begins To hover in the air. It smells of what some would say, ‘Rotting fish’. But from where? How can it be lingering, In the air? When one is so far away From any ocean or river? It is one of the many mysteries For it was gone, crept away, As silently as it came. I’m still here, Meditating under the old And swaying, Willow Tree. CRACK!! Another limb falls with a Louder thud; another Crow shrieks, the fog, It lifts. The tombstones rumble and shake, And the ground rumbles, Under my feet. The old Willow Tree, Can take no more. It is done. It won’t sway anymore. I open my eyes, To a world unseen. There is nothing left, Of the Old Willow Tree, But a stump and some leaves. The tombstones are broken, The crows shriek no more. Morning had come and there’s nothing more, Nothing to meditate under. New life will come, And replace the tree. In time, I may return, Return to meditate under a new Willow Tree.
Re: Old Willow Tree -poem- « Reply #1 on Jul 5, 2007, 12:12pm »
Wow, that is amazing! Great job. If you really really want pointers (I'm not one for poetry though) maybe you could make sure it doesn't repeat words in some spots unless that was what you were going for. Like the part where it says
"The crows shriek no more.[/b>] Morning had come and there’s nothing [b]more"
But that's all. I'm just trying to give you some pointers, but I really think it's just perfect! Full of emotion.
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Great job. If you really really want pointers (I'm not one for poetry though) maybe you could make sure it doesn't repeat words in some spots unless that was what you were going for. Like the part where it says ![[image]](http://i11.tinypic.com/687txu1.png)